Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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