So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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