I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
