fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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