The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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