i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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