his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
