u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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