I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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