My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
