I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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