My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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