never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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