I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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