Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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