Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
