know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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