I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
