I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
