I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
