I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
