saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
