My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
