I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
