just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
