I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
