when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
