My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
