Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
