ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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