They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We don't watch enough power rangers
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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