I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
