Your dad touched me again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
