just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
