Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
