Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
