Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
