and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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