Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
