That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
