they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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