I am spending my child support on dildos
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dicks are not precious.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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