some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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