Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
