I have demons in me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
