he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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