a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So. Much. Porn.
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