Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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