i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
