so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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