Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
