i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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